The Good Wife Guide

I think I might be in trouble here.  Mr. Bell brought home a package of steaks that I'm pretty sure he meant for the grill.  I have them simmering away in a beer and onion concoction to make - what else?- sandwiches.

This is not on the good wife guide.  Come to think of it, I have failed the Good Wife Guide.  Crap.

Here's my breakdown:

I only accomplish item number 1 on a regular basis - and it pretty much stops at "Have dinner ready.  Plan ahead.... " I can honestly say that I do this most of the time.  Half of the time?  Well, I occasionally do it and when I don't I am usually able to fake it so no one knows so I'm giving myself full credit for that one, even though I do make too many sandwiches and tacos - 25 points.

Let's talk about  Item 2 - Prepare yourself.  Take fifteen minutes to rest?  Really?  Now I am not one of those I never sit down in the day as one look at my Facebook or my blog and, well, you'd know I was lying.  But to actually "rest" with my three-year-old conscious and in the house? First off, I hate Legos and think they should be banned.  Also you should know that anyone who buys your children Legos for their birthday must hate your guts.  Legos are the work of the devil.  My kids don't build anything except guns with their Legos.  Each gun consists of about 10 pieces and yet it is for some reason necessary to dump 3-4 buckets of Legos, each containing somewhere around 8000 pieces, on the floor to make this gun.  Anyway, I asked Sam very nicely to pick up the Legos and he very nicely ignored me and found another thousand to add to the mess.  I then told him he couldn't come out of his room until the Legos were picked up and put away.  He gave me a blank stare.  I left the room and returned a few minutes later to check on his progress.  I smelled lemons.  And heard spraying.  I threw open the door and saw him standing with his back to me wearing Elmo swim trunks and a smile spinning around like a maniac covering himself and every Lego with Lemon pledge.  When I took a closer look at him, his lips were blue.  Not from the cold, mind you, but from the blue Sharpie which was uncapped and lying on the carpet next to him.  Never mind where he got the Pledge and a Sharpie, okay?  That's not the point.  The point is that resting is not an option - not when he's awake which he is.  All. The. Stinking. Time. I haven't put a ribbon in my hair since that whole Madonna craze in the 80s.  I do occasionally touch up my make up but am not sure how "fresh" I'm looking at that point in the day.  I'll give myself 5 for putting my name on the paper, if you will.

Item 3 - Be a little gay and interesting.  Hmmm.  Gay in the happy sense, I get it.  But that seems to conjure up some kind of super happy bright shining faces type of happy. The most interesting things I have to discuss revolve around Transformers and Diego.  I do however offer him a cocktail and make one for myself. I think that's bonus points, right?  30 points for me.

The final Item 4.... Clear away the clutter?  I try, I really do.  But the clutter is bigger than me.  See Item 2. My Sam needs a full time wrangler to follow him around and clear his path.  Luke isn't much better.  And truth be told, neither am I.  Zero points.

Oh well, at least the sandwiches were good!


  1. LOL LOL LOL!!! I think I may be in trouble too... Clear away the clutter??? Really??? Where would I put it??????

    -Mom of 4 in Savannah

  2. Funny post! I've always felt that I was born in the wrong decade and I should have been born in the 30's instead. The idea of living in that time period is something I've romanticized, obviously. There's no way I could get my crap together (physically and mentally) by the end of the day like that. Oh well. You have to admit that they do have beautiful dresses...come to think of it, the girdles kind of knock 100 pts off that appeal too! :)